Wednesday, 04 April 2012

  • Obeying God Can Mean Loneliness

    Tonight after bible study I was hanging with the guys (lately I've been the only female to show up at bible studies).  They started to look things up online, looking for laughs.  I was watching the funny videos and other content with them until something "not fitting for God's holy people" came up and then I realized that we didn't know what we could come across.  So I tried to suggest that we do something else.  When that didn't work, I came out and said that it wasn't right to keep looking.  When no one listened, I left, angry.  Is this righteous anger?

    I'm beginning to realize that when you are committed to obeying God no matter what, sometimes you end up lonely when none of your other Christian friends are obedient in the same way.

    Sure, there are "personal convictions," and we shouldn't try to push them on others, but I'm not going to stay completely silent, either.  I felt like I should say something tonight, so I did.  We are called to be holy and to saturate our minds with the word of God, to think on noble, true, pure, and right things...so how is that going to happen in our minds and our hearts when ungodly things are competing with them because we allow ourselves to see/hear them?

    I was having a great time with my friends, but I realized that I might not be able to hang with them very often anymore if they continue to do/say/watch/listen to inappropriate things. 

    "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, for these things are not proper for God's holy people."  -Ephesians 5:2 (emphasis mine)

    I could really use some words of comfort and advice right now because I hate confrontation and I feel all shaky even as I write this.  I just know that sometimes I'll have to push through that fear if I'm going to ever do anything honorable for God.

Thursday, 15 March 2012

  • So God created mankind in his own image,
       in the image of God he created them;
       male and female he created them.
    -Genesis 1:27

    What are the words that we use to describe God?

    Beautiful.  Glorious.  Strong.  Wise.  Merciful.  Kind.  Understanding.  Gracious.  Faithful.  Good.  Patient.  Love.
    You can go on and on.

    But I want to focus on the "beautiful" aspect and what that means for us.  We are created in His image.  I know you've heard that and read that many, many times.  But have you become desensitized to it?  Do you know how glorious of a statement that is?  It's almost scandalous!  Do you know how glorious you are?  Not only were we made in His image since the beginning of creation, but "the Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him" (Romans 8:17 - emphasis mine).  It says in a bunch of places that we will be glorified with Him.

    Actually, if He lives in us, then we are already glorious!  We were made in His image, AND he lives in us now!  So it's not like He made us in His image, and then left us to keep up His perfect image on our own.  We can't do that, so He gave us Himself!  Not just His image, Himself.

    Let that sink in.

    So how do you view yourself?  I know that nasty devil likes to whisper all kinds of vicious things in our souls, like, "You're not good enough" and "you can't do anything right" and "who could love someone as ugly as you?" 

    I don't mean beauty solely on the outside, but outside beauty is not excluded.  ALL of you is beautiful.

    I've recently been convicted of thinking too lowly of myself.  I thought I was just being humble, but I'm now tired of beating myself up all the time.  There's a difference between being humble and having low self-esteem.  I can only say this because I have been known as a girl with low self-esteem.  I don't want to be that anymore.

    I don't HAVE to be that anymore.

    I'm free!  God has broken those chains on my self-esteem, so that now it can rise!  As long as I have a firm confidence rooted in Him, it's not being prideful and I'm not in danger of thinking of myself too lowly.  Thinking of yourself as "not good enough" is not actually being humble, but taking the glory from God by saying "even though you live in me, I'm still not good enough."  He created us, so to say this is to say that He messed up somewhere.  God does NOT make mistakes.

    So let's recap.  God is beautiful so you are beautiful.  What does beautiful mean?

    To me, it means captivating.  Even exciting. When we see something beautiful, we want to stop and take it in.  We want to share it with everyone.  Can you believe that YOU are that kind of beautiful?

    To me, it means vulnerable.  Beauty is meant to be seen.  Why hide your beauty behind sarcasm, too much makeup, baggy clothes...or do you literally hide from people like I have done up till recently?  One night at bible study I was overwhelmed and I hid in the bathroom.  Then I cursed myself because I knew I would have to come out eventually, and then I would really be in the center of attention because everyone would know that I hid.  (I am not trying to say that makeup or sarcasm is bad.  But everything is bad in excess and for the wrong reasons.)

    YOU are beautiful.  Yeah, I'm talking to you.  Not readers (thank you for being a reader!) collectively, but YOU.  The person reading this right now.  No matter where you are in life, no matter what you believe--you're glorious.

    I heard a great analogy a few weeks ago. 

    There's a 100-dollar bill on the side of the road that somehow no one noticed.  It gets stepped on, torn, and dirty.  Would you still pick it up?  It's still 100 dollars!  Your beauty doesn't depend on what happens to you.  It is innate.

Tuesday, 13 March 2012

  • When I woke up this morning, it was ugly and gray outside.  It was before sunrise, though, so I was hoping that when I got out of class, it would be sunny.  But it wasn't.  I huffed and puffed (mentally--that would have looked very odd as a college student) all the way home.  I was really tired so I took a nap.  When I woke up, it was still nasty0looking outside.  So I gave up (after demanding that God bring the sun out) and I cooked me some bagel bites for lunch.  I don't know when the sky was graced by the sun, but suddenly I realized that it had become beautiful outside, blue sky, white puffy clouds, and sunshine.  I learned two things today from this:

    1.  That God can change any situation in an instant.  He can brighten the darkest day within minutes, or even seconds.

    2.  Sometimes when I want something, and I focus all my energy on it, it just seems further and further away.  But when I give up and relax, focusing on something else, "it" (whatever I desire so strongly) can sneak up on me.

    This is exactly what happened with my first and only boyfriend (who broke up with me two months ago).  I finally stopped focusing on the men I was crushing on and the notion of a relationship and became satisfied being single.  Then BAM.  Two weeks later I'm in a relationship (whether this was right or not is not the business of this post) with a kind, gentle, funny, hard-working, handsome godly man.

    I'm sure this "let it go, and it not only will come back to you, but will FLY to you in a heart-beat as soon as you turn your back" principle can be applied to any desire.

    Now I have a confession to make.  (I've been making these a lot lately.)  I want my ex-boyfriend back.  I'm not too ashamed, either.  I have resolved, however, to "let him go," because I know (with an innate faith and hope) that if I do and he's meant for me, he will come back, and like I realized when we first got together, it will happen so quickly that I'll laugh at myself for worrying so much about it.

Thursday, 08 March 2012

  • Awkwardness is a good thing

    A lot of the time we avoid conversations or situations that would be awkward.  But I think awkwardness can be a really good teaching tool, and can make us stronger and wiser.  Kinda like being put through fire.

    A couple months ago I requested "closure" from my ex-boyfriend, and at first he said somewhere along the lines "but it will be awkward."  Pushing through awkwardness, though, can teach you courage, and so I told him and we did talk it out, and I felt SO much better afterward.  Again yesterday we walked to class together as we had classes in the same building at the same time.  It was really awkward, but I pushed through it and made small talk, and I know I am a better person for it.

    Why do we avoid awkwardness besides the desire to avoid discomfort?  What is good about avoid awkward situations?  A lot of things will be missed if we don't ever have enough courage to say something or do something just because it will be uncomfortable.  I think that really speaks to how we Americans love comfort so much.  It is not wrong necessarily to want to be comfortable, but when we forgo necessary conversations or actions because of it, I think it is a problem.

    Especially when you are Christian and you never hold any of your Christian friends accountable because you don't want the necessary "come-to-Jesus" talk and the inevitable discomfort.  Or when you never tell anyone about Jesus because you want to avoid awkwardness.  Or...fill in the blank.

Thursday, 09 February 2012

  • About a month ago, my first relationship of approximately two months was ended.  By the other person.  I was devastated at first, but now I can say I feel free and I can breathe.  Through this post-breakup healing, I’ve learned quite a fewthings.

    1.      1.  I can love and serve someone else very fiercely.  I have a beautiful, big heart filled by God that is just waiting for theright man to come along.  With a brokenheart, it is easy for someone to become bitter and hardened because of it.  But I will let my love grow with each brokenheart.  They’re bound to happen before Ifind the right man, so why not use them for good?

    2.     2.  God knows and understands everything Ifeel.  I knew that one before, but it wasa head knowledge.  Now I can say it ismore of a heart knowledge.

    3.     3.  James 1:2-4 has come quite in handy for the pastmonth:  “My brethren, count it all joywhen you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faithproduces patience.  But let patience haveits perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.”  The best part is, we will not ever be perfecthere on this earth, so we can look forward to always growing in our patienceand our faith.

    4.     4.  I used to think that being so emotional meant Iwas weak.  Now I know it is the completeopposite.  It would be so easy, at leastat first, to put up a wall and be done with it. No feeling, no crying.  Notletting anyone in.  That would be easyfor me, at least.  The hardest thing would be to feel everything.  And I do. I feel everything.  And that makesme strong.

    5.     5.  I thought in the relationship that I was beingcareful not to depend on him too much for affection, but I learned that I endedup doing that anyway.  So I know for surethat I absolutely must go to Godfirst and foremost, seek Him first above everything.  As long as I am constantly, without ceasing,plugging into Him as my source, then I will never again “cling” on someoneelse.  (By the way, I’m beginning to hate the term “clingy.”)

    6.     6.  I’m learning also that the typical worldlyresponse to breaking up with someone is usually prideful and spiteful.  Up until just a few days ago, I was thinkingthings like “Oh, he’s gonna regret ever letting me go” and doing things likedressing up when I knew I was going to see him. I realized that I had the wrong motives, and Philippians 2:5 keeps me incheck when it says, “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus.”  I know Jesus was never in a romantic relationship,but I’m pretty sure if he were in my position he would not be thinking anddoing such things about and around the “ex.” He would be thinking of what’s best for the ex, instead.  This leads me to:

    7.    7.  I’m become much more prayerful.  I’ve been lifting this wonderful man up inprayer every day.  Sometimes several times a day, depending onhow I’m feeling that day.  I’ve heardfrom a few places that it is impossible to have hatred for someone while you’repraying for him.  And praying for himconstantly will only improve my attitude towards him. 

    8.     8.  Now I know I canbe in a relationship.  Before this onecame along, I was beginning to wonder if I would ever be in arelationship.  I had never been inone.  Now I know what one is and I’ll bebetter equipped for the next one. Hopefully the next one will be the last one, but if it’s not, I won’tcondemn myself as much I would have before for having multiple relationships inmy life.

    9.     9.  And finally, my motivation to stay pure has beenstrengthened.  When we first gottogether, we made a list of boundaries and expectations.  One of my boundaries was that I would noteven kiss until my wedding day.  It mayseem extreme to a lot of people.  It willseem extreme definitely to the world. Actually, all but one of my Christian friends were shocked when I toldthem about it.  But long before my firstrelationship happened, I was inspired by one of my friends who got married lastsummer.  In her entire relationship withher then-boyfriend, they had never kissed. They wanted to get to know each other without the “obstacles” of beingphysical in any way.  I want the samething.  Plus, I know myself well, and Iget very emotionally attached just through touch.  I can only imagine how much a kiss would bindme to a person.  I want to make sure thatis with someone whom I won’t have to break that bond with.  So this relationship motivated me to keep onwith the purity goal because we never kissed, and that is one less thing I haveto “get over” in the healing process.

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

  • In the desire to be attractive, how far is too far?

    I am a Christian woman; the only reason I have not said "godly" is because I feel like I would be bragging on myself if I said that.  To be called a godly woman is a great honor, I believe.  Anyway, I digress.  Lately I have been thinking about modesty and the trials men go through with temptation.  I know that both women and men are called to modesty, but for the purposes of this post, I'm just talking about female modesty. 

    I like to dress attractively, I won't lie.  I used to not be so good about buying shirts that didn't show cleavage, but I've never had a problem with short shorts or dresses because I was never comfortable with them to begin with.  However, in the past year or two, I've grown more mature, I guess, and I have gotten better at covering up even more.

    I like to show my figure, though.  I have learned to love my body (really!) and I have a desire, a strong one, mind you, for others to see.  Mainly men.  I can't help feeling that this desire is selfish and sinful.  Sure, every women was created to love and to desire love and pursuit, and I don't believe that is wrong in and of itself.  But how far is too far?  I think about how I look a lot, not particularly because I'm insecure, like I used to be, but mostly because I'm constantly thinking about what men see.

    So, please, brothers in Christ, help a girl out.  Even wise sisters can help on this.  In the desire to be attractive, which I believe all Christian women have, how far is too far?

Thursday, 19 January 2012

  • Commitment Trumps Feelings

    My ex-boyfriend who broke up with me a week and a half ago under the cliche pretenses of "It's not you, it's me" and "God told me to break up with you" was finally honest with me tonight (after I more or less demanded it) and told me that he just lost the feelings for me.  In the beginning of this, we did everything biblically.  We got mentors to keep us accountable and we set boundaries and expectations.  He committed to it and I committed to it.  We knew that we were both in a relationship because it would one day hopefully lead to marriage.

    He broke his commitment.  Because he lost the feelings.  Now, he's had a girlfriend before to whom he did the same thing.  He lost his feelings for her, they broke up, but several months later, guess what?  The feelings re-appeared!  The ex-girlfriend of his is my best friend now, and she has told me that she regrets taking him back.  Now I'm hoping and praying that one day he will understand that you cannot break a commitment because of lost feelings.  If Christ had based his commitment and love for us on his feelings for us, we would not be here!  He was committed to us from the beginning of time, so he stuck with it!  My ex-boyfriend and I are both Christians, but maybe he does not really understand this commitment concept.  I fear that he will just do the same thing to another girl.  I'm praying and praying from now on that he will be changed and that he will "grow up" and realize these things.  But I honestly doubt it, and I can't help the doubts right now. 

    By the way, this was my first boyfriend.  I guess what hurts a lot is my pride, because I was so proud of the fact before that I had never had true, serious heartbreak.  Who was I to think I could get away with an unscathed heart, while girls all around me were suffering from multiple failed relationships?

    But, how will I ever trust a man again?  He could do the same thing.  Have a whole bunch of feelings for me in the beginning, and when they die out, leave me.  I don't want to get hurt again.  I know tons of people say the same thing but somehow get over it and find love and commitment and get married.  But I honestly don't feel like that will happen for me.

    What also hurts is that he was so nonchalant and calm when he talked about it!  I miss our relationship a lot.  Every little thing that reminds me brings me back down into the black hole of breakups.  And he doesn't even care! 

Sunday, 15 January 2012

  • Chivalric or Christ-like?

    I recently saw a lot of posts about chivalry.  Chivalry was originally the practice of knights--you know, courtly love and romance and all that.  People want it, complain about it, debate about it today, but something that trumps chivalry and something that we can strive for as Christians is being Christ-like.  We should strive for our men to be Christ-like, and the chivalry will come.  For instance, Christ laid down his life for others.  He was in service to others.  A godly man will hold doors open, walk on the outsides of sidewalks, give up jackets or other comforts, etc, for women not based on some medieval moral compass but because it's what Jesus would do.

Wednesday, 28 December 2011

  • I am NOT sheltered

    Warning:  this is an angry blog.  (righteous anger?)

    I absolutely hate when people tell me I'm sheltered.  I'm 20 years old, and most people think my aversion to sexual innuendo or images and bad language means I'm sheltered or immature.  What's worse is that most of the people that say this to me are my CHRISTIAN friends.  Are we reading the same Bible?  Because this is what my copy says...

    1 Thessalonians 5:21-22 - "Test all things; hold fast to what is good.  Abstain from every form of evil."  (Emphasis added...some version say "avoid all appearance of evil.)

    Romans 12:2 - "And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

    Proverbs 4:24 - "Put away from you a deceitful mouth, and put perverse lips far from you."

    James 1:21 - "Therefore lay aside all filthiness and overflow of wickedness, and receive with meekness the implanted word, which is able to save your souls."

    Phillipians 4:8 - "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

    I am holding fast to what as good with all the might I have from the grace of God.  Why does it seem like none of my friends do the same?  If we are to flee from every appearance of evil, why is it that some choose to saturate their minds and hearts with perverse, corrupt, inappropriate, downright dirty things?  We are conforming to the world when we watch the same things they watch, talk about the same things, etc.  It is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God that we should NOT be conformed to this world.  So why is conforming so rampant among Christians?  Isn't there anyone concerned about purity out there?  I am trying to follow Phillipians 4:8 but it is hard when others around me or not.  Should I dump them as friends?  Most of the time I try to influence them with my own behavior and good attitude, but times like this when I feel angry to write a whole blog, I feel otherwise. 

    What's more is that people that talk like this around me--especially guys--and KNOW how I feel about it aren't respecting me or my feelings.  They're supposed to be friends.  Right?

    Is there anyone out there with the same problem?  Or maybe you are on the other side of the matter.  Did this blog make you think things through?

Monday, 19 December 2011

  • I Gave In

    So, I gave in and added Facebook back after only a month.  This was after I realized that there are some people whose numbers I don't have and/or who live far away and Facebook is the best way to keep in touch with them, and keeping in touch with family and friends is very important to me. 

    Regarding my following reasons for deleting Facebook:

    1.  I monitor the possible narcissism of posting statuses or pictures by only posting statuses that I'm sure will be an encouragement to others and only posting a few pictures, enough to have a profile picture and for people to see what's going on in my life.  As for my "about me" section, I keep it short and brief.

    2.  I do have better social skills now.  I make it a rule never to talk to someone on Facebook that I can't or don 't feel comfortable with talking to in person.  I'm also not on Facebook as much as I was before.

    3.  Like I said, I make it a rule to only post statuses I believe can lift others up, and I do NOT post play-by-plays of my day.  I delete people from my newsfeed who do post lengthy or negative statuses.

    4.  I just discipline myself and don't get on Facebook unless everything else I have to do is done.  Easier said than done, but with the grace of God, it's more than possible.

    5.  I block people from my past that I would be tempted to "spy on."

    An additional worry about Facebook I had is the number of "friends" I had on my list but weren't really in communication with me.  So to this--I keep my friends list to a minimum -- that is, I only have friends on Facebook that I have in real life.  And I'm talking about the true meaning of friends:  people I know are always there for me and I see in person if not regularly then at least enough to constitute a relationship outside of the online social network.

scrittore

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    • Name: Lori
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    • Birthday: 6/15/1991
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 7/19/2008

Knowing Lori

  • My name is Lori Christopher Fields, and I am a very emotional and spiritual being. I want to try to use this blog to come to terms with my emotions and my spirituality and I hope in the process I can encourage others to do the same.